July 30, 2009

Today has been a day that I have lived for others and not myself. And believe me, it was NOT my idea or plan!

I had so many things on my to-do list for today. I was up early, had my time with God, the kids all lined up and busy and I was off and running. My prayer this morning was that I would do only what God had for me today. That every minute was committed to Him. I wanted to literally be Him in my world. These kinds of prayers are prayed way too easily! I thought for sure that my list was His list and that He was more than happy to cooperate by gracing my moments with His presence. I guess I was wrong!

I will not bore you with all that I wanted to get done in the office, but instead join me in the moment that I finally got settled in my office chair, coffee cup in hand, laptop ready to go when my son calls me. He cut his hand at work and would I please meet him at home….NOW! When I got there another young man at the house needed food and a listening ear. A daughter needed to de-tune and now the one with the cut hand had to go to the mall.

Busy day? Yes.

Productive day? No.

Not one thing on my to-do list can be marked off, there goes that amazing sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Fruitful day? A resounding YES!

As Godly women, our satisfaction and accomplishment comes from something other than a to-do list. God had his own list for me today and I had given Him permission to assign it to me. I needed to be there for something far more important. People. MY people, needed my strength.

Back to our laptop and coffee cup moment this morning, I will admit that I wasn’t all that happy with the interruption. Me and God had a lot to do! When Caleb called, my first reaction was to have him drive to the office so that I could look at it. Nope, that will never do. Put the coffee cup down, turn off the laptop, drive home and prioritize my son.

Tomorrow morning I will get up, pray that I would do His work, pick up my to-do list, laptop and coffee cup and try again. This time aware that I really do mean that prayer. Wherever it may take me that particular day, I will go and do with a happy heart.

April 4, 2009

Live every day

Days come and days go. Days happen with such regularity that we forget the value of each one. We pack our days with so much that they seem to pick up speed. Days turn into weeks, which turn into months and before you know it, a year has past!

We just returned from a family vacation to Orlando. We rode more roller coasters than I care to remember. As you get into that cart and strap yourself in, you begin anticipating the next few minutes. I always find myself looking around, wondering if this is the last time I will see this world. When you are in this mindset, you begin to think a bit differently. I find myself reaching over and hugging my son next to me, telling him that I love him and enjoyed having him as a son. Which ever son I happen to be sitting by usually rolls his eyes and says, ‘yeah mom, can we get something to eat after this ride?’ He has no idea that we might not live that long! The ride begins and what once was full of detail – people, trees and buildings, becomes a blur. The speed of those carts removes my ability to communicate and interact with anything around me save very loud screams and a few images of this and that.

That is how life can be. We seem to get on the rollercoaster and never stop. Life flies by so fast that we hardly have time to notice, interact or communicate.

When we returned from our trip yesterday, we found out that a dear friend of ours was in a terrible electrical accident. He is going to be ok but it sure made me think. We really don’t know how many days we have or if the day that we are in will bring something crazy.

Don’t allow the fast pace to control your world. Yes, there is a lot to do, but none of it is as important as a hug, a smile or a moment of life. Take that time to give to those around you, value those days that are given you. Take everyday and make it worth a memory for you or someone you know.

My motto is ‘no regrets’. I have make decisions based on the desire to be able to look back on my life and not regret anything. I must admit that yes, I do have some regrets but I can also see many times that I am so glad I chose people over things and family over pressures.

Make today count, it’s a gift of limited supply. Live it well and love without limits because, Life’s Better Here!

March 17th 2009

The Strength of a woman

Women have great strength. Mother Theresa changed a nation. Florence Nightingale birthed a profession. Harriet Tubman saved many of her race. And yet many more women seem to be victims – weak and vulnerable, unable to escape. Their captors are sometimes violent abusers; other times just the strength of their own poor view of themselves or their ability to be anything great.

Yes, women have great strength. It is not the strength of a man, it is uniquely feminine. I know this statement has possibly angered you. Let me explain. It seems those that are ‘less’ than another, feel the greatest need to strive to prove their equality or even superiority. That is where women go wrong. No, we are not strong as in the strength of a man. Our muscle mass and density will not match our masculine counterpart. Our strength lies elsewhere.

At this point I must insert a disclaimer. I cannot do justice to each facet of a woman’s strength for there are many. Each woman has an assortment of strengths that come together in a myriad of ways. Intelligence, beauty, persistence, stamina, hope, and joy are but a few. I believe it is a women’s ability to nurture that truly sets her apart.

Ability to nurture
Within women is the innate ability to nurture; to bring forth something from a seed or a potential. Our lives are not yet a completed portrait of perfection. There are still those people that are very close to us and yet are not all that they are meant to be. Usually our husbands and children, but also close friends, can affect us the most when they are not operating at their fullest potential. We do not always have the option to dispose of those around us. Instead, we as women have the unique ability to take imperfect, incomplete things and nurture them to their birth.

Unfortunately, many women are able to bring forth babies in the natural realm much more proficiently than in the spiritual realm. I have given birth to four children. It was challenging at times. I was uncomfortable, inconvenienced and even damaged. But the moment those children came forth and I was able to see them breathing on their own, it was amazing! Birth is truly miraculous, both gratifying and worth every bit of hardship. In the same way, helping those around us find their birth can give you great satisfaction. It can also benefit your life. As our husbands, children and close friends become what they were meant to be, we become free from the hurt and insufficiency within them.

In the physical realm, females automatically come with a womb. We don’t have to shop for it or get certified – it is just standard equipment! In the same way, every woman has a spiritual womb. A place where people, ideas, and dreams can find safety, nourishment and birth. These are the three basic things that a woman offers to birth life in the physical. I believe they serve as a parallel in the spiritual.

First a woman offers a safe place. The womb is a very spongy organ that is nestled in a very safe area of the body. It is very cushioned and shock absorbing. It is sterile and free from outside influence. In the same way, the first step to bringing forth people, dreams and possibilities is that we provide a safe place for them. We cannot allow toxic thoughts or words destroy them. If you have a husband, child, or friend that is not all they could or should be, it is our job to be a safe person for them.

The word ‘safe’ means to be free from harm or risk. This means that the first step to nurturing people is that we be one’s that will not harm or reject them, regardless of their actions. Sarcasm, criticism, and negativity are things that cause people to dig defensive trenches and taking aim, shoot back. Not necessarily the kind of interaction we are hoping for! We have to check our words and our attitude that they would defuse anger and defensiveness, not create it. There are some women who need and desire their husband or children to become better people but they uncover, disdain and put them down on a regular basis. You don’t usually see a pregnant woman purposely punching her stomach, but I have seen women unwittingly destroy the possibilities in their loved ones just by the way they speak. It is said that ‘hurt people, hurt people’. This is so true. As we are disappointed and injured, our first reaction is to hurt back, to pick up the sword and shield and enter the fray. Or at the very least we feel justified in talking to others about our misfortunes. This is where we become ‘un-safe’. We become those that inflict harm and are a risk. No, we need to provide a safe environment that our closest, most intimate people can be free from harm and risk.

‘Safe’ does not mean allowing hurtful things to happen without confrontation. It simply means that confrontation will happen with love and concern. Sometimes ‘safe’ means placing healthy boundaries on certain behaviors. It’s all in our motives. We can not allow ourselves to react and hurt back, we must act purposefully, with the intention to bring them to their best place.

Secondly, a seed or a potential needs nourishment. When I was pregnant, that baby within me took whatever it needed and I got the leftovers! Those developing babies required a lot of nourishment. I needed to eat well, sleep more and take my vitamins or I felt it!

In the same way, if we are going to be instrumental in seeing someone into their best, it will cost us. We have to be well stocked with wisdom, ideas, compassion, mercy, love and patience. We have to have enough for them as well as for ourselves. This requires us to replenish our love and compassion through prayer and our wisdom through reading and gaining insight. Our patience and long-suffering must be bolstered by knowing that the end result will be worth every bit of our effort.

Thirdly, we have to be able to push and travail to give birth. Every good birth is not complete without labor and delivery. My sons are now well over 6 feet tall. If I had not delivered those boys, I would be very uncomfortable right now! Nurturing those close to us requires a labor to bring them forth. Labor means work. I had to expend myself to push them out. I had to focus, seeing the end to give me the ability to press through. In the same way, we must press in for those that need us. Much of our travail comes in the form of prayer. I have to be willing to believe for them, pray for them, and see them through. My husband and children need me to expend myself for their betterment. I have wept over them, I have spent time problem-solving and listening, I have given of my time and energy with them and in private to see them to their best.

With all four of my children there was a birth. A time of coming forth. A time of separation. No longer did I breathe and eat for them, they had to function on their own. In the same way those that we are nurturing need to come to a time of separation. A time of independence. You are not suppose to carry them forever, there comes a time for them to fly solo. That is when you will find the most gratification.

This may sound like a lot of work, and it is. It is important for you to know that it isn’t all completely up to you. The birth of my children required my participation but I was not ultimately responsible for it. I did not plan the color of their hair or the shade of their eyes. I did not set their DNA into place or separate their fingers or toes. I did not color their personality or determine their purpose. God and God alone did all that. I simply provided the safe environment, the nutrients and the push to bring them forth.

Those people that have been placed in your life are ultimately God’s creation. God wants everyone to be functioning at their best. He is the one doing the hard work. He is the one developing and fashioning them into His image. Girlfriend, here is where we can relax. Too many of us women are trying to do the developing and fashioning into our own image! This is where things get hard because we are not given this task, therefore we are not given the tools to accomplish it! No, we have to allow God to do the developing because they are ultimately HIS responsibility, not ours.

Yes, nurturing is hard work, but it is well worth it. We can’t afford not to. You need your husband and children and those around you to be their best. You need them standing firmly in their purpose and destiny. We as women have the great honor to bring them close to our heart, providing them safety, nourishment and travail to see them develop into what God has intended.

March 5, 2009

Life’s Better – The Beginning

I am very excited for the launch of Life’s Better Here. I and my team have been working for the last year to get everything off the ground. I wanted to give you a bit of history of how this all came to be.

My husband and I have been pastors for over twenty-five years. We started as youth pastors for eight years and then senior pastors for the past seventeen years. I have spent many hours listening women of all ages tell me of their struggles. The faces and the details may be different but the bottom line is always the same. Regardless of how others have acted in your life, you are in complete control of how you RE-act! Others may have messed up but if you choose drama you will get drama!

One morning last spring I was out running. As I was jogging along I was praying for a certain young lady I had been working with. In my heart I was begging her to just try some of the things I had encouraged her in. I kept saying over and over, ‘come on girl, you can do it! Life will be so much better if you will just…!’ All of a sudden it hit me!
Little changes in the way we act and talk, in attitude and behavior can make all the difference in the world. Sometimes we just need to be reminded or encouraged to do those very things.

Women are so busy making life happen and meeting the needs of everyone around them – they don’t need big long sermons or huge books to read, they need quick bits of ‘right thinking’ and the encouragement that they can do it. Everything you get here at Life’s Better will be quick, energetic and provoking, aimed at helping you make those little choices that make life better!

Yes, I said better. Life is the result of many choices. Choices that seem natural, easy and deserving are quite often not the best. I know it’s hard but sometimes we have to reverse the way we think, choose to go a different direction, act in a new way so we can get a better result. God’s ways are not always our first choice. We would rather be angry than forgive, worry instead of trust, control rather than yield. I can guarantee that your life would be so much better if you would switch it around and forgive, trust and release!

This past year has been an interesting one for me. I knew in my heart what I wanted ‘Life’s Better Here’ to be and it has taken a lot of fight to get it here. I needed those girls around me to keep me going when I began to doubt myself. Your answers can be found in God and the strength you need to keep going can be found the encouragement of other women.

So come on Girlfriend, Let’s do this thing. Whatever you are up against, with God’s help and my encouragement you can do it because…Life’s better here!